“Vegan Tech Nomad sucks.”

It’s been almost 2 years since my (ex) boyfriend said that to me.

At the time, I thought it was a trivial fight about nothing…

But now, after my therapist roasted my thinking patterns,

I realized what it was actually about.

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How my therapist vibe checked me

“Jennifer…the last few sessions, I noticed you spoke in extremes every time.”

I was quiet, fingers hovering over my keyboard.

(Because of course I was taking notes during the session so I could therapymax.)

I had been telling my therapist how I felt guilty for doing nothing while traveling.

I felt like I didn’t make progress in my business, so I beat myself up about it.

But she dug deeper and found out…

I actually:

• Wrote all my emails weeks in advance

• Filmed and edited daily videos

• Scheduled all my content

Then took a break.

So I didn’t do nothing.

But when I tell myself I got nothing done, my thoughts spiral:

• I’m lazy

• I’m a failure

• I’m not disciplined

• I’m not good enough to run my own business

• I should force myself to do things I dislike

• I shouldn’t enjoy my life/travel

• I should work harder

Was the story I was telling myself true?

When I don’t get sales in my course, I tell myself I’m useless. That I created nothing of value.

But is that true?

I know there are things outside of my control.

My identity shouldn’t be tied to my accomplishments.

But how do I even “fix” these thought patterns?

And how is this related to the argument I had with my ex-boyfriend about my Vegan Tech Nomad username?

Understand the root cause

I created a system to help me think through this:

SFN.

S = stressor

F = fear

N = need

Then, I do the 5 Whys Analysis (it’s also taught in my course).

Example

Stressor: getting enough sales in my course

Fear: I’m scared people won’t find the course helpful. I don’t want to come off as too salesy or pushy, but I know the course can help bc of previous students’ testimonials

Need: I have this need to feel useful and helpful…that’s why if my course doesn’t help someone, I just give them a refund

5 Whys Analysis (ask yourself why 5 times)

Why do I need to feel helpful and useful?

So I can feel like I deserve respect/admiration - from myself too.

Why do I want respect and admiration?

It indicates I’m worthy of taking up space.

Why do I need to earn respect to take up space?

I have a scarcity/competitive mindset - that I’ll somehow be excluded or disliked for not being good enough.

Why do I fear exclusion and abandonment? Is it somehow different from freedom?

Because then there’ll be no one to show my progress to, to verify my worth.

Why do I need someone else to see my progress, when I should be secure in my own self worth?

Because I am not actually secure in my own beliefs about myself - that’s why I want others to validate me.

Root cause: I look to others to verify my own worth via accomplishments

Understanding the problem = better solution

The fight with my ex?

It wasn’t about the username.

The root cause was about feeling excluded from my life - and not knowing how to talk about it.

I dismissed him because I felt insecure.

He got hurt because he felt shut out.

If I realized this sooner, the argument might’ve turned out differently.

Break the pattern

“I’m not disciplined. I’m lazy. I can’t stay consistent.”

I often repeat these words to myself - just like you do.

But we have to realize this way of thinking isn’t helping us grow.

Let’s break the pattern:

• Realize when the stories we tell ourselves aren’t true (we didn’t do nothing all day)

• Understand the root cause of our stressors

Hit reply and let me know -

Are there any thinking patterns you could improve on, so you can live a more fulfilling life?

Til next Monday,

Jennifer

P.S. I might share more stories like these daily this week (as part of my course promo emails) - will try and make them worth ur time even if u end up not purchasing the course 🫶 thank u for reading and supporting me!