It was a dark and stormy night…

As most scary stories start.

But I didn’t realize this story was scary at the time.

I was at my friend’s party -

It was getting late.

I had to go home.

“Hey, I’m gonna leave now,” I told my friend. “Thanks for inviting me!”

“I’ll walk you out.”

“Noooo you don’t have to! You should stay at your own party! I’ll be fine.”

This is how it usually goes.

I make myself smaller,

Take up less space -

I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone.

My hyper-independence actually came from a place of insecurity (and yes, trauma)…

I was scared that if I asked too much of others,

They’d call me needy and leave me.

How this mindset cost me

“I don’t want to bother anyone.”

“I can’t ask for help, I’ll be seen as incompetent.”

“I can’t share my problems, I don’t want to be made fun of.”

This pattern of thinking kept me from my goals, because:

• I didn’t stand up for myself, and spent years stuck in an organization that wasn’t great for my mental health

• I excused behaviour that led to being taken advantage of (the stories I have omg)

• I felt hesitant selling things I created that I’m proud of (and know can help people)

But I realized - needing people isn’t bad

I’m lucky to have people who actually ask me to share more about my struggles.

I used to fear being vulnerable…

But I got so many kind replies from yesterday’s email 🥺🥰

It kinda made me realize I shouldn’t feel ashamed for taking up space.

I shouldn’t feel scared of sharing my stories.

I shouldn’t feel hesitant about sending these emails (even though you gave me permission to email you by opting in to my list - and can unsubscribe anytime).

Replace the negative with something positive

Instead of feeling:

• Ashamed

• Scared

• Hesitant

I want to change my perspective so I can feel:

• Grateful (that people want to hear my thoughts)

• Excited (to share things I care about)

• Unapologetic (because I’m secure in my own worth)

This is kinda in line with what many child psychologists say:

Instead of just telling children to stop doing something,

You have to model and tell them what they should do instead.

So instead of “stop hitting,” it’s “we don’t hit, we use our gentle hands.”

I didn’t have that model before.

When I told people

“It’s okay, I’ll walk myself home in the dark,”

They told me

“Okay.”

But my friend from the beginning of this email?

He said “don’t be silly. Let me walk with you.”

Til tomorrow,

Jennifer

P.S. obligatory link to my course bc it’s rly cool 🥺 if u wanna try the free preview it’s got some of the best lessons inside!!